Tag Archives: manipulation

thistledown

11 Mar

maybe one day,

i will use your name,

but not today,

when there is so much at stake.

today i am not brave,

and the gaslights you dropped inside of

me fill my mouth until it is mute

like cotton, like the thistledown outside

your house in Shelton.

maybe one day

i will stop cowering before her

and the shit she might talk

loudly, over my voice

and the friendship and love that

guilt me into submission.

not today.

today,

i am not brave.

I won’t shake your hand

10 Mar

because i’m no longer deluding myself,

and now it horrifies me thinking about

what you were doing to me

behind my back.

that kind

7 Nov

but also because it was

like they were constantly

daring me to react,

to tattle,

to flip out,

and because

i was so desperate

to impress them

tough-girl act

fit in,

be taken seriously

like they were so elite

 

that i reacted

like i was constantly being dared,

kid grandeur,

peacocking.

 

because

the

boldness of their

bullshit

was daring,

but not in a good way,

just in a way

like you can’t believe what they

tried

tried to get away with,

got away with.

like that kind of dare.

 

 

spectral

7 Nov

in some ways i was

sensitive,

but it was weaponized

 

gaslit,

a spectral orb of

tattle.