Tag Archives: autism

that kind

7 Nov

but also because it was

like they were constantly

daring me to react,

to tattle,

to flip out,

and because

i was so desperate

to impress them

tough-girl act

fit in,

be taken seriously

like they were so elite

 

that i reacted

like i was constantly being dared,

kid grandeur,

peacocking.

 

because

the

boldness of their

bullshit

was daring,

but not in a good way,

just in a way

like you can’t believe what they

tried

tried to get away with,

got away with.

like that kind of dare.

 

 

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Everything

5 Oct

I like details. I like them a lot.

I hate the idea of potential miscommunication. I hate it a lot.

I dislike any sort of

ambivalence. Or ambiguity.

or possible

confusion

or potential miscommunication

or misunderstanding.

I think you get the picture. I’m very particular, and very meticulous.

Precise,

but not concise.

I like clarity, but I struggle

with the thought of disparity

and dichotomy

discrepancy

inconsistency

I’ve been told I overcommunicate

and overdescribe

and overthink things

to a ridiculous degree

of analysis –

yes,

I’ve been told I overanalyze.

There must be nothing uncertain,

so I include everything

that might be pertinent

or adjacent

or kind of relevant

or parallel

to the point

or the core

of the idea

of the discussion.

My presentation can be loquacious

because I’m so pertinacious

and tenacious

about accuracy

and complete communication.

As a child

I’m told

that if you wanted the real story, you could go

to me

because I would recite the entire

situation

for you

without summation

with perfect dictation

a rote imitation

the

whole

conversation

leaving nothing

to interpretation.

I still do that.

I’m attentive to detail, meticulous, obsessive,

expressive

illustrative, articulative, overanxious

conscientious

compulsive, loquacious

overdescriptive

and a little bit anal.

I have to include everything.

Without fail, 

you’ll get the picture.

Or I’ll die trying.