i tell myself
that my drugs of choice aren’t that bad,
that juice and brownies can take the
edge from what they are and make it
especially compared to my usual favorites
of canyons 1/4 of a centimeter
across, and pediasure in my closet
to keep my punishments from killing me.
not that i’m going to quit those things.
i scared myself last night,
explaining to brody my plan to
commit living suicide,
to kill every part of myself that feels.
but that’s okay, because one day i won’t feel
it won’t be scary anymore
how easy it is to succeed
so quickly. how easy it is
to ice someone out with terse
to kill the warmth i always was,
freeze it over and light up
instead the soulless fires of the damned.
we decided that we’d burn together,
we’d sit in cemeteries and rot from the inside out.
let me pretend it’s healthy